HELL

I usually try to keep things upbeat and family-friendly around here but I am at a breaking point today. Remember how I was so excited to get my catheter out? Well, I failed to mention that I was less than thrilled with the doctor taking it out - I had to wait for 2 hours for my appointment, with both the kids (thankfully my mom and James were there to help) only to see the doctor for about 3 minutes. The nurse removed the thing and said the doctor was considering putting me on an antibiotic just to be safe. I said that would be a great idea since my recent operation - more like something out of Frankenstein - left me at an increased risk for kidney infection. I didn't see the doctor again and apparently he decided that an antibiotic wasn't necessary and I went home.

Fast forward to Wednesday at 1:00 am. I woke up shaking uncontrollably. After a while we called the doctor and she said it sounded like a bladder infection. I could come into her office later in the morning or go to the ER if it got worse. Once the shaking stopped thanks to a hefty dose of Motrin, I took my temperature and was running a fever of 102.3. I NEVER have fevers so we decided to go into the hospital. This time we left Zoe with a neighbor and headed out. Again at 3 am. Why can't this stuff happen during the day?

At the ER they weren't totally convinced that I had an infection because I didn't have any of the "classic" symptoms, besides the fever. The triage nurse said that my medical history was the longest she'd ever taken. I got in quickly and the doctor soon got my labs back showing "a lot of infection" and with my temperature so high if the infection wasn't in my kidneys it was headed that way. So now I have a cool IV port in my forearm and I get to go back to Provo 3 times for IV antibiotics.

We got home by 5:30 am only to have Owen wake up - he slept through all of this - and after eating he threw up pretty badly. It was coming out of his nose and then he was so congested he just cried for about 15 minutes until I could get him completely suctioned out. I spent the rest of the day sleeping in 2-hour increments, never leaving the bedroom except to use the bathroom and for my first trip for the antibiotics. Luckily we had dinner from the ward tonight and they also arranged rides to Provo for me so James can stay home with the kids.

My question is this: When will this personal hell I'm living in end? It seems like just as things are about to get back to normal I get the rug pulled out from under me. This is absolutely the worst I've felt since I woke up from surgery with no pain medication. I am so sick of doctors using me for some twisted psychological experiment - Just how much physical and emotional (and financial) trauma can we inflict on this lady? I am really reaching the point where if anything else goes wrong I am just going to fall off this mental cliff that I've been toeing the edge of lately. But I do have to thank all the amazing people who have been helping us out lately. We are quickly getting to meet a lot of people in our ward. It just stinks that my mom left one measly day before this all happened.

So I'm sorry that my posts have turned into whiney rants revolving around my medical woes. And I don't even put up pictures. How dare I! Please just cross all your fingers and keep us in your prayers that our lives might one day return to normal - or as normal as it ever is for us.